If you want to read random ramblings and see other works that don't make the cut to my folio, you're in the right place

It's only now that I’m feeling more confident in speaking out on my thoughts about everything that’s been happening. This happened after a small creative release burst out of me when #facebooklisten campaign happened. I made a couple of posters, and basically, I had a lot of fun doing it and all the frustration from MONTHS of horrific reality came out.

Right now, I’m feeling very frustrated still on what’s happening in our country...I’m planning to list down every disturbing thing that’s happening, but I don’t even know if I have the guts to write it out loud here.... Let’s see...

  1. The COVID-19 cases in here is still not declining ONE BIT. If anything, it’s rising to a higher level. And if that doesn’t sound bad to you, the government and most city councils had the gall to open up the cities one by one. (....for the tax payment. Now that people have settled that, we're back to "quarantine".)

  2. Obviously, our leaders are shit.

  3. They passed a law that legalises cops and officials to arrest, harass, and detain anyone that is SUSPECTED of “terrorism”. Terrorism is on quotes because it’s not even primped and polished on paper on what it really is. SO right now, anything that you do or say that goes against the government is considered terrorism.

  4. And the people blindly (and stupidly) following the same men who allowed this law to be passed are ACTUALLY terorrising people by creating dupes of their online identities and uses it to make the actual user look like an actual terrorist and get them detained. What's even harder is that even with all our efforts to report fake accounts, Facebook keeps denying our requests to take them down. #makefacebooklisten

  5. That’s not all: Now our country is in a whopping 170 BILLION pesos debt—and the 275 Million peso budget allowed for COVID-19 is aside from that. And they didn’t even spend it on the ACTUAL pandemic. In fact, no one knows where it is. There has never been a transparency.

  6. You think that’s bad, wait til you hear about how they QUICKLY released a memorandum that requires ANY online business—big or small—to pay taxes (probably to make up for that big debt lmao), meanwhile, POGOs (Philippine Offshore Gaming Operators are online gambling firms that operate in the Philippines but cater to customers outside the country, mainly China) are allowed to freely operate even with their outshining debt of 5M.

  7. Police killings here is officially worse than the US.

  8. AND THE CHERRY ON TOP: They are making it illegal to protest or speak out about all/any of it.

I can’t believe this is my reality. And I can’t believe somewhere out there in countries that were governed properly by strong and wonderfuly discerning women are living a different one. I wonder what that’s like. (Wow, I never thought I’d end up saying that) Imagine living in New Zealand. Imagine living somewhere where the government isn't abusing their power, but instead using it to actually help govern the country responsively. Imagine having to live through a pandemic and be able to believe when you tell yourself "things will get better". Must be nice.

At this point, I don't think theres any driving force in e to live aside from the fact that my dogs need me. But other than that, my reality feels like hell—dying is actually better than living through this. But even as I say that, I can't help but think about the less fortunate, too. The ones that in the middle of a pandemic, they aren't given the right support by the government which results them to be forced to go out without proper protection just to get food and make ends meet. And now they are either wrongfully arrested, uncompensated, taxed, or even killed by the police without reason.

Before, I used to be so cynical about democracy and the power of people against the government, albeit being exposed to films that feature the same message. I always thought no matter who you elect, they will always get corrupted by power, hence cancelling out the idea of democracy (a little something like Daenerys going full Mad Queen, BUT THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY but you get the gist). But a few years ago, I started to open up to the idea that maybe we can steer history. Maybe we have a stronger power together. Maybe there's a way out of the corrupt systems that has made me cynical all those years. And now, ironically enough, just when the world feels like its in its last chapters and I'd rather die than live, I have witnessed (and am witnessing) firsthand the beauty of people coming together and making a revolution. I'm a believer now. And if the world IS ending? At least I know we ended it with a fucking bang.

Ahh, Gemini Season. I can't say my Scorpio sun isn't always so tired during this time of year, but that's only because my Gemini moon is having the BEST freedom ever. LOL

There are only 2 projects in my whole uni life that I believe will stick with me forever—my screenwriting finals (Surprise! It's not the obvious choice, but that project PULLED out feelings from me and turned it into art like no one's business. Unfortunately, I never got to turn it into an actual film. But I mean, the thought is there? lol) and Dreamscapes. Both pushed me to dig deep and use my personal journey at that time. And while I am FOREVER grateful, humbled, and honoured to have had 2 projects make it into ADAA, nothing beats the fulfilment you get from traversing your crazy forest of emotions and then finding yourself again and again through your art.

I’m not saying its the best shit out there (its really not; not even for a little bit), nor the best shit i’ve ever done (although my sentimental connection to it says otherwise hahahahha), but I’m forever thankful that I have had the opportunity to put into paper all my thoughts and emotions under layers of stories and visual metaphors. It almost felt like this visual diary/therapy and I believe that’s why it’ll always stick with me (and why I will never not repost from this project (LMAO)

I'm actually missing all that now. I miss diving headfirst into a personal project, having the ability to give my all, and just getting lost in there until I come out with ideas unravelled from that little secret space and air it out as art and visuals. I mean, I still have work and everything, but isn't it always a hundred times better when it's a personal project (even though it sometimes takes a lot out of your pocket hahahaha).

With this quarantine happening, I've been feeling so stifled, even with all these inspiring artists creating art challenges and everything. I just can't seem to get out of my rut, and I don't know why. Maybe it's work? Pending revisions on other projects? I don't know. But I really wish I bring out something really juicy this Gemini Season. It's just what it should do. LOL

I'm writing this now as I sit outside our house with my dog and the warm, sweet air breezing through.

I haven't seen you that much since the lockdown, so that's me saying I miss you very very much. Although I have a pretty good view of you from our house and I still occasionally walk my dog outside (we're lucky to be settled right in front of our subdivision's park), it's not the same as experiencing you, breathing you in.

I miss the bigger parks—the way the trees sway along with the wind, the cute moving shadows they cast against the bright sun, the clear skies, the clouds, the lake, the people enjoying it all. I miss the beaches—the waves washing back and forth, the sand, the seashells, the palm trees, the occasional monkeys! The people enjoying it all. But I'm sorry we enjoyed it all too much.

I'm sorry we abused all your goodness when we're supposed to help keep you together. I'm sorry for the all the trees we cut out of your lungs and replacing it with concrete instead. I'm sorry for the pollution that keeps you from breathing easy. I'm sorry for the abuse on the wildlife that runs through your veins and brings life to your soul. I'm sorry we can't bring ourselves together to keep you together. You've given us sustenance and beauty, we gave you greed and selfishness. And maybe everything that's happening right now to mankind is rightly provoked, deserved, and a long time coming. I'm sorry we pushed you to your limits, and I'm sorry we've led things to the way they are now.

But are we too late? Is there still fixing in all of this? Or are you so fucking sick of us that your patience and tolerance has ran out of room for the likes of humankind? I'm so so sorry. I love you. Happy you day.

The Weird Poison • Graphic Design & Photography

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